What's Your Contingency Plan?

Just a little something to think about from the trenches on the Cricket World Cup 2011 that India Just won.

What's your plan for the day when your star performer is unable to perform (falls sick, is not in the form, if going through a bad time or for any other reason)?

Build contingency into your project plans? Include buffer time into your project plans? Consider everyone a resource and do generic planning? Start Feeling insecure of your own team? Look for another hero?

That's what most managers and captains do.

Genuine managers and captains know that none of this is not contingency planning.

Having a team where every individual in your team can and often does morph into a star performer is usually your only human contingency plan.

If you don't have that all the other contingency that you provide for is just random documentation and a truck load of bullshit.

You know what a stale product is, right? We've all worked on them. Every product company has a portfolio of products where some products click and some gather dust on a beta build waiting for the first set of users to show up.

Even Microsoft had the classic Microsoft Bob. There is nothing wrong with having stale products started within your organization. Ideas have to be implemented before you can test their validity.

Having said that, your ability to identify a stale product early on, defines your awesomeness as an organization or a software development team.

Here are some rather simple guidelines which might help you figure out if the product you are working on a stale product or it needs more effort.

You know you are working on or dealing with a stale product when:

1. None of the best people in your organization want to work on the product.
2. When every potential client you show the product to says, "looks good" but doesn't sign up or really use the product everyday.
3. When more than two really capable marketing guys who have sold other products in the past are unable get any customers for the product.
4. When you have been working on a problem without any real user feedback for more than a couple of years.
5. When you try eating your own dog food but other departments within your own organization find the dog food too yucky to eat or too hard to digest.
6. When you find the team building more and more features in the product to impress the management or the marketing department instead of building features your customers will genuinely need.
7. When you see managers discussing technology instead of what the product should do. "Search is going to be hot. Let's see if we can integrate lucent with this product".
8. When you find your business analyst building fictional requirements based on common sense mixed with their fetish. "Let's integrate the advertising module with the time and expense module to keep a track of the time spent on advertising. Yeah! That's going to be so fu@#king cool! I bet no one out there has anything like that! That's what we should do in the next version."
9. When your development team moves to auto pilot or hibernation and stops asking why they are building the features they are building.
10. When the marketing department starts telling the development team that adding this one User Interface enhancement before next week will help them land their first customer. i.e. When you are continuously doing Demo Driven Development Cycles.
11. When one quick sniff at the product tells you that it is rotting and stinking beyond repair and everyone is just busy ignoring the problems instead of getting down in the sewages and cleaning up the mess.

Anytime you start seeing more than half of the above in a single product, you are probably working on a stale product. You are better off quitting or surrendering. Quitting is not such a bad thing after all.

How do you spot dead projects in your organization?

How do you convince your management to move these projects to the graveyard?

Just a little something to think about and discuss.

“Why are you building readershideout.com when sites like Shelfari.com, BookChums.com, linkedin.com (the book list part), GoodReads.com and a dozen others exist out there?”

We've been asked this question multiple times, on facebook, on this blog, on one on one discussions and during long walks and my personal opinion is that this question is actually bigger question than reader’s hideout so I’m going to take some time and answer this to the best of my abilities.

The question really boils down to saying, “If anything close to my idea exists on the web should I even be building an implementation or should I spend the rest of my life waiting for another idea to show up?”

The reasons are multiple of course, but here I some I feel fairly strongly about.

I. Many Italian Restaurants.

I’ve talked about this before so I’m going to keep this point real short. We are perfectly ok with the idea of having two Spanish or Italian restaurants existing around the block but we cringe when we think about having two similar websites anywhere on the internet. Personally I still believe that even though the total distance from any website to another on the internet is just one click, there is some solid value in having choice of websites and services out there.

For one, it pushes innovation and allows the service owners to put a little bit of themselves and a whole lot of their imagination in the service. But then there are other bigger reasons why if you have an idea, a willingness to make a difference and the ability to contribute an implementation towards that idea you should go ahead an implement that idea, which transitions us to our next point.

II. There is No Abstract Art. You Always Start By Building Something Real.

“There is no abstract art. You must always start with something (real). Afterwards you can remove all traces of reality.”  - Pablo Picasso.

Readers hideout is our attempt at making reading cool and providing you a gorgeous way to discuss books and meet interesting readers out there. We had a few ideas that would make Readers Hideout completely different from any of the other book tracking service out there. We had two options:

1. Hide in a cave, build something for a year which implemented every single one of those different ideas, throw it out to you guys and see if it works.
2. Throw out a basic version of the website that looks like most other services, ship it and then work on “removing all traces of reality” gradually over time.

We chose the latter. There is a reason why you do not see book categories on the website. There is a reason why we didn’t go out there and build the user group functionality. The honest comment here is that we don’t know all the answers yet but we’re also deeply convinced that the approaches most book sites out there allow readers to communicate are not the best of the approaches possible.

We’re deeply convinced that there is a better way of allowing users to discuss a book. More on this later and we will be announcing each “abstract” or fun feature when we release it and we’ll be talking about precisely how different it is from any other website out there.

The point is that we need a live “real” code base shipped and working in production before we could start experimenting on it and start shipping some serious abstract art.

III. The Vibe.

Even though reader’s hideout looks like most other book-sites out there the list of features that will start showing up in the next couple of months will start setting a very different vibe to the service. I would love to talk about it but I realize that talking without a real implementation in hand is just lame marketing. I’ll keep the stories on hold till we have something real to show you and I promise you we’ll talk about some of these very different features when they go live.

IV. Why Not

No, seriously. Think about it. Here you are with an idea so strong that it will not let you go, even when multiple other implementations exist out there. You brush it aside a couple of times and it keeps coming back.

Then on one fine evening when you have nothing else to do you sit down to code a tiny part of the idea into existence and you really love working on the idea.

After working for hours you feel all charged up and excited.

You keep doing that weekend after weekend. And in the process you learn how to tweak your application for performance, how you can return the cleanest possible HTML back to the users, how you can do AJAX JSON calls without using ASP.NET Ajax and a thousand other things always wanted to try out before.

The cost of hosting a website or a service is cheaper than ever before making guerilla  services like Readers Hideout possible.

The other day someone asked me what my business model was and I told him I don't need one. The cost of keeping Readers Hideout up and running is so low that I plan on keeping it up even if I and a couple of friends are the only people on the system for the next few months.

When the cost of running a service is so low, the intrinsic rewards are so high, effort and passion are the only two requirements, the real question I have to ask you is, why aren’t you doing it too?

Why don’t you take an idea that you have, stop worrying about if someone else has built it, see what you can add to that idea and start shipping?

And then when someone asks you why are you building a service that already exist out there, you can just point them to this post and I’ll take up the tasks of arguing with them on comments. #grins.

On a serious note, we are going to be working on some pretty amazing features on reader’s hideout. My only suggestion would be, stay tuned to this blog and we’ll keep you informed about the features we add.

The series of blog posts is not just going to cover readers hideout but larger more generic questions and things that we learn along the way as we move ahead with readers hideout.

Thanks so much for the questions, for trying out Readers hideout and for continuing to read this blog!

Random Thoughts On Policies:

Someone 's downloading movies.... lets block the internet!

Someone 's coming in late and leaving early.... lets punch timecards!

Someone 's taking a CAB instead of a subway.... let's do a travel policy document!

Someone 's wearing T-Shirts instead of ties.... a policy on dress code!

The folks at 37 Signals have this to say about policies in their book Rework:

Don't scar on the first cut. The second something goes wrong, the natural tendency is to create a policy. "Someone's wearing shorts!? We need a dress code!" No, you don't. You just need to tell John not to wear shorts again. Policies are organizational scar tissue. They are codified overreactions to situations that are unlikely to happen again. They are collective punishment for the misdeeds of an individual. This is how bureaucracies are born. No one sets out to create a bureaucracy. They sneak up on companies slowly. They are created one policy--one scar--at a time. So don't scar on the first cut. Don't create a policy because one person did something wrong once. Policies are only meant for situations that come up over and over again.

The classic story of most policies is the same:

1. Someone does something stupid.
2. The organization over reacts and writes an equally stupid policy.

It's a classic two way street for turning intrinsic motivation into hard core ruthless professionalism.

It's like paying your mother in law for a gorgeous dinner and a surprise party she planned for you.

Between steps one and two are all other innocent clueless employees wondering what the f@#ck just happened and scrambling for information.

Every time you find yourself making a policy, your management and  recruitment teams have failed pathetically and hired a bunch of moronic sheep who need herding instead of hiring engineers.

That or your organization just doesn't know how to talk to people and communicate problems openly, candidly and act strongly in certain situations.

Either ways, it's a problem that no policy can solve in long run.

Most of your policies aren't going to fix anything. They're two way streets for stupidities involving a couple of stupid employees and equally stupid organizational reactions.

Replace every single rule or policy in your organization with an intrinsic social norm which appeals to the goodness of your people and you'll have an organization that changes the world.  And if you can't appeal to their goodness, why are they still working in your organization?

Just a little something to think about.

A fat obese middle aged American guy munching on his packet of potato chips and commenting on that pass in the soccer match.

A skinny under weight Indian munching on his packet of lays and describing how the batsman should have played the shot in the cricket match.

Both would probably collapse on field if asked to play just a single complete match of soccer with their kids.

Everyone loves sports. Everyone loves commenting on sports. Playing the sport, is a completely different ball game all together.

Talking like an expert is so much more easier than, "doing" something, even if the doing only involves just meeting the basic standards of a novice.

People love giving expert comments on everything that they see.

If you are a builder or a story teller, your job is to play the game, be a starter, learn the basics and then get better at it.

Can you do that? No? Then shut up and enjoy the game. And  stop giving us your expert opinions on everything.

Now, translate this analogy to managing teams, the advice you give them on how easy a task is, how much time something should take and the volume of code you yourself write. Get on the field. Hit a few shots. Score a few goals.

If not, stop scoring fouls and stop giving your expert opinions. Seriously.

Agility In Your Tools.

Your tools are a reflection of your passion for your art. The world conspires against you when you sit down to write a book.

The universe morphs into a perfect tool of distraction when you sit down to write code for your next side project.

You get a thousand random thoughts when you sit down to focus on one and write a blog post.

Or... You are just having one bad day after another.

Agility in your tools will keep you moving.

Cartoonist Hugh MacLeod draws behind business cards. The medium sets him free to practice his art anywhere. Everywhere. Scott Hanselman talks about the power of the Netbooks. Something I talked about as well. It is all about picking the right weapons and then becoming one with your weapons.

This post was written on my blackberry on a bad depressing day with a wet running nose, a dehydrated body and a tired mind. Some others are written on my phone when I am moving and feel inspired.

The point is that the world will not exactly mould itself to give you the best  possible environment to practice your art. Introduce agility in your tools so that you can continue jabbing and utilizing small windows of time to practice your art.

When you are in a guerilla warfare tanks and fighter planes are not effective.

Pick tools that let you practice your art, anywhere. Everywhere. And then use these tools, ruthlessly, to fight your own lizard brain.

I wish you good luck.

If you are a kick ass programmer, you're probably  working in one of the two modes:

1. Working for your manager mode.
2. Working for your product mode.

The difference seems trivial at the first glance. You are getting stuff done, right?

In the short run this hardly matters as long as your motivation factors are intrinsic (you're not working for a twenty percent hike, a promotion etc.).

In the long run however, working to get a pat on the back from your bosses often means that you are not giving your best to your project.

You want to show your manager you're working late hours so you work late hours.

You want to show your manager that you take all support requests even if they aren't critical so you rush to close  a non critical support ticket in the middle of the night.

And you're constantly worried about what your manager thinks about you.

In working long hours you are often not your productive best, in taking every single support ticket in the middle of the night you are just firefighting and not innovating enough, in worrying about what your manager thinks about you, you aren't saying no or expressing your opinions strongly and candidly enough.

To make things worse, you are probably burning out and very soon you are going to be sick of it.

Impressing your manager will not fuel your career for long term.

A larger purpose or cause, meaning, a quest for perfection, continuous improvement or even the relentless desire to ship something remarkable to your users or the world might be a way better long term fuel for motivation.

Now stop impressing your boss by saying yes to everything, working like a cog and slogging late nights just because you want to show your bosses how hard you worked. It's going to wear you out in the long run.

Put simply stop working for your manager and start working for your product and your organization.

Chances are you will be much more happier, much more innovative, much more creative and.... even much more productive.

This writing is free form and non-structured. If you feel offended after reading this post, that's just ‘cause you have no sense of humor or the article is about you.... and you my friend.... are a chump!

If you find yourself laughing along for most of the article but you disagree to some parts of it, that's probably because you are basically a productive human being but you've been spending too much time with people who are the central point of this article. You know.... the chumps!

Calling bullshit when I see it is my idea of humor. It's a little dark. A little over the top.  And just about the only advice I can give you is don't take it too seriously.

You have been sufficiently warned. Continue reading at your own risk or close your browser window and leave now!

[This line is intentionally left blank.…to give you some think time to decide if you want to continue].

Still there?

Good!

Let's talk about Social Media.

But before we get to the social media bit, lets talk about the dudes who talk about Social Media with a straight face and claim to be "Social Media Experts".

I don't like the name Social Media Experts so for the purposes of this post we are going to give these folks a cute name.... the "Social Media Dudes" or SMDs. Or if you are like me and you like to keep things simple you can just call them... The Chumps!

In this article I am going to use these names interchangeably.

Most Self Proclaimed Social Media Experts = Social Media Dudes = SMDs = Chumps.

Got it? Clear? Sure? No Questions? Good! Let's move on.

Now that we have given a name to the SMDs, let start by talking about "Social Media".

I. What Is Social Media

"First There Was Print Media"

That's how the Chumps go about explaining Social Media when they talk about it. Most explanations about Social Media are on this line:

"Once upon a time there was the Print Media! Then there was Revolution and then came Online Media! And then there was the time for Revolution 2.0 and some really smart dude somewhere farted the term "Social Media" straight out of his B-hind and there was world peace…. And.... And now Social Media is there to Rule the world!"

It's a pretty compelling story. Especially if you are having a bad day and your mind is vulnerable to stupid memes and thought viruses. That's how all bad ideas that survive (including terrorism) spread. People are having bad days and they are confused, they listen to horse poop and before you know it they are doing stupid things like blowing themselves up. The "Social Media" virus is no different, albeit the story is compelling. You have to give them that.

Print Media > Online Media > Social Media.

That's the story Boy! Got that?

The only problem with this story is that I have been living on this same planet as most SMDs (a few of them are truly out of this world) and as far as I can say, there has never been such a thing as "Print Media".  Nope! Never! Ever! Not on this planet!

There were things which we read. You know, books and that stuff. But we didn't take all of them an club them into a stupid bucket called the Print Media.

I mean I am sure that some smart dude somewhere farted that term out of his B-hind too and then realized that no one cared about it and enough people twitched their noses and looked at him with knitted eye brows which embarrassed the shit out of this dude and he stopped using the term Print Media all together and the world was saved from an idea epidemic.  So yes, the concept of "Print Media" might have existed for a brief period of time.

But in the larger scheme of things as far as most of us were concerned, it wasn't even significant to be noticed by most people on this planet and therefore it is safe to assume that such a tern as Print Media never existed.

I'll tell you what did exist and still does and will continue to exist (at least for a very long time).

Since the renaissance and the invention of the printing press, we had News Papers and Magazines and Journals. Since then, a News Paper was a News Paper, a magazine was a magazine and a journal was… well… a journal! There was no such term as the "Print Media".  Nada! Zip! Nothing at all! Honest! I've been alive for more than 29 years! I've never heard the term "Print Media" to describe a freaking newspaper. Not until the SMDs started showing up on Twitter. Then suddenly I started hearing it everywhere and then it spread like a virus.

Now every time someone asks me "Hey Pops! What are you reading!" I feel the immediate urge to respond with "Oh! Nothing! Just Some Print Media!"

Every time a SMD says "First there was Print Media" with a straight face, he is just full of shit.

Oh and while we are at it, let's also talk about the "Online Media" and "Web 2.0" (though I suspect that is a completely different breed of chumps who deserve a blog post unto themselves, but let's give them just a little bit of love for now. Why should they feel completely left out and ignored? That's so not fair!).

Given that I am starting to feel bad about having to bash everyone today and being so blunt and direct and loud and realistic about things, let's get Tim Berners Lee to do the honors:

When asked if it's fair to say that the difference between the two might be fairly described as "Web 1.0 is about connecting computers, while Web 2.0 is about connecting people," Berners-Lee replied, "Totally not. Web 1.0 was all about connecting people. It was an interactive space, and I think Web 2.0 is of course a piece of jargon, nobody even knows what it means. If Web 2.0 for you is blogs and wikis, then that is people to people. But that was what the Web was supposed to be all along. And in fact, you know, this 'Web 2.0,' it means using the standards which have been produced by all these people working on Web 1.0." He's big on blogs and wikis, and has nothing but good things to say about AJAX, but Berners-Lee faults the term "Web 2.0" for lacking any coherent meaning.

Read between the lines?

What the founder of the world wide web is telling you, is that the Online Media Dudes (OMDs) and the Web 2.0 media dudes (OMDs 2.0) are…. Chumps too!

During the short span of time in which software development as we know it, has existed, there have been a truckload of jargons that have been farted out by a truckload of guys. Some dissipated into thin air. Others like these ones stuck around and continue to stink.

Pretty much like "Print Media", there is no "Online Media" or "Web 2.0" or "Social Media" that is going to change the world.

Of course, there were, and still are, websites, chat rooms, search engines and web applications (like forums, blogs etc.). A website was and still is a website, a chat room was and still is a chat room, a search engine was and still is a search engine, a forum was and still is a forum, a blog was a and still is a…. I think you get the idea!

The SMD's, OMDs and OMDs 2.0 were and still are all bullshitting!

And you are eating their bullshit (gobbling it up) especially if you use words like The Print Media, The Online Media, The Social Media and Web 2.0 with a straight face and claim to be an expert at this game.

We've done a bit of rambling on till now. Lets start getting to the specifics of my criticisms of "Social Media" and where Chumps are taking it.

II. Where Is The F@#king Value?

Somewhere in the mid 1940's there was a really smart lady called Ayn Rand who wrote a book about Architects called The Fountainhead where she used the term the "Second Handers". The chapter where the hero of the novel talks about this idea was a long rant, pretty much like this blog post, but I'll save you the trouble of reading over a thousand pages and cut it down for you.

Second Handers are parasites. People, who mutilate, violate, steal, twist and take credit for the innovators hard work.

The whole "Social Media" movement and the poop that you see getting posted about Social Media is a "second hander movement".

Seriously! Think about it. What do most Social Media Dudes out there really do? They get on a Social Media website and talk about how cool Social Media is. It's information about information. Forget the part about building systems or tools. These guys aren't even building data.

Geeks like me refer to this as Metadata!

No one is producing anything valuable or concrete here.

Folks are:

Blogging about Blogging.

Tweeting about Tweeting.

Blogging about Tweeting.

Tweeting about Blogging.

Posting Questions like "Is Facebook Hotter than Quora?" on…. Quora!

I've got a question that you ought to ask on Social Media: Where is the f@#king value-add happening? What are you building again? What is the percentage of people using the "Social Media" that are doing any "real work" and producing genuine value with it?

And No, Random Meta data or noise and tools to handle that same Metadata or noise effectively so that you can produce more metadata and more noise is not genuine value!

We had a name for this before we started calling it Social Media. We called it "Small Talk". All of us did it. But we were aware of the dangers of overdoing it. Then we had the tools to take it online so we started doing it online which was all fine and dandy. Then someone came in and said it was the "Social Media" and doing more of it can make you rich or help you get laid and suddenly the dam walls gave in and then there was…. REVOLUTION!

Now we have everyone trying to create a revolution by talking about how bad that restaurant down the corner is. That's how we are going to have revolution. Not by putting in the hours and building stuff that's genuinely meaningful, helpful, valuable and touches lives.

Yeah. Right!

III. Word Of Mouth

"Dude! Social Media is Hot! I know which movie I should not watch and which brand of Toilet Paper to use ‘cause my friend tweeted about it!"

Ok we can't beat you at that. So I am going to tell you a little story instead. Back in our school days we had a dorky little guy who loved whining. We're going to call this guy Freddy. Freddy loved to whine about everything. Freddy loved soap operas. Freddy loved the Charmin Ultra Strong toilet papers and he absolutely hated his cell phone company ‘cause those guys were mean to him and they deducted his balance ‘cause he paid the bills late and Freddy had a dog and Freddy loved…. (YAAAAWWWN! Yeah. I know).

Now get a million Fredies on Twitter and ask them to bitch their hearts out and you can be rest assured that you are going to find thousands of tweets by thousands of Freddies when you are searching for the #toiletpaper hashtag on twitter desperately hoping you would find advice on which toilet paper to buy on Twitter. Or let's just say that you are already following Freddy and when he tweets about the Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper being uber cool you just get that Tweet and you become that much smarter about…. Toilet Papers.

(Side Note: Knowing which toilet paper Freddy likes in a 140 character blurps isn't really directly correlated to your level of knowledge on Toilet Papers, but let's give that leeway to Freddy and the Social Media Dudes for now and let's assume for the time being that 140 character blurps on Toilet paper are really making you the smartest Toilet Paper expert in town).

What this means is that you would have to follow a million Fredies and hear about Toilet Paper all the time to effectively utilize word of mouth online. Or you could just Google for Toilet Paper Brands and land here and read the 14 ratings and 13 reviews on….. You guessed it… The Charmin Ultra Strong! Exactly what Freddy was going to recommend!

I don't know about you but I prefer the later, but maybe that's just ‘cause I am not a chump!  

You know what's word of mouth? True Mavenship is word of mouth. People like Seth Godin, Scott Hanselman, Scott Berkun, Jeff Atwood, Malcolm Gladwell (the list is really endless) do this. I've talked about this before and it involves developing a specialization, honing a talent, working at it, paying your dues, giving in the 10,000 hours, adding genuine value before people start respecting you and listening to you.

That's true communication and connection and word of mouth. Of course no one worth following on Twitter seems to be making a big deal about how "Social Media is going to bring a revolution and how it is going to change the world".

They are all busy adding value and earning your respect. They are busy doing hard work, while the chumps throw Metadata on your face and tweet away to glory.

IV. Everything Is Connected.

This was something someone who might prefer to stay unnamed said over a phone conversation. "You know, if I give you a map and plot two points on it and ask you to connect those two points with a line, how hard would it be to connect those two points? If you want to connect things, everything is connected."

That Toilet Paper Review site that I mentioned above, I can see a zillion SMDs shouting at the top of their voices saying "Pops! No Fair! That Toilet Paper site is Social Media!"

Yeah. Right.

Everything with a comment field and a rating hyperlink is Social Media. I've given you the map with lots of points on it. Just keep drawing the f@#king lines and together we can change the world! We love you! Chumps!

The only genuine threat with drawing these lines is that when you blow your stupidities out of proportion, some famous publishing house picks up your poop, publishes it and before you know it Enterprises are talking about building the next Toilet Paper Social Media 4.0 website using Web 8.0 with a like button and planning on minting millions by building their toilet paper iPhone application and giving it out for free. And then these enterprises go out there and invest a zillion dollars on the iPhone application and a Toilet Paper Service only to find out that while a lot of Freddies were tweeting about Toilet Papers they weren't really passionate enough to yank out a ten dollar monthly subscription to find out more about Toilet Papers. And then you have failed startups and people lose jobs. Nasty things happen.

Congratulations Chumps! You just f@#ked an entire organization and wiped it out of existence by producing Metadata. Or let's just say it was the Organization that blew themselves up. That's what nasty thought memes do when you allow them to spread.

Everything is in fact connected. Let's draw more lines.

Everything is Social Media! Yeah! Right!

Remember the terrorism bit we talked about when we started this post? Yeah. That's what really bad memes do when you allow them to spread.

V.  No Silver Bullets.

I realize that I've been rambling on for about eight pages and it's time I start tying the loose ends and making my points. Every time anyone produces a technology that has the potential of making an impact, we have "Second Handers" who want to jump on the bandwagon and the only contribution they have to offer is a sick and twisted name, lousy noisy publicity and random mutilation of the idea. That's how silver bullets come into existence.

Google produced a grid of computers which formed a truly scalable infrastructure. Amazon gave out a part of their infrastructure for a small fee. The Chumps and the second handers called it Cloud Computing and convoluted the whole idea by making way too much premature noise about it. Folks worked hard on building Ajax frameworks and the second handers were coin the term Web 2.0 and confuse the crap out of everyone to a point where anything with big fonts and lesser page refreshes was Web 2.0. Genuine builders work on deep innovations which have long term impact. Chumps create random premature silver bullets out of these innovations. 

The problem with silver bullets is that they are poison for the confused mind. Most geeks are safe. They have bullshit busters pre built in their heads. These bullshit busters help them steer clear from that automated code generation tool that is going to boost their productivity 10x and make them 10 times more sexually desirable. As geeks we listen to this crap and dodge this crap 10 times a day. So when we hear about Social Media we go "Bleh! Whatever!" and then we forget it and we get on with our lives. Yes, we have our Twitter accounts and our Facebook friends but we know where to draw our lines and how far to take this shit.

But Geeks don't run enterprises and fortune 5000's. Enterprises are run by management teams which desperately want a silver bullet. Every time you post some poop on how Social Media is hot and how it is going to change the world, you run the risk of some innocent reporter with an overused bugged bullshit buster picking it up and running it on an online publication which is read by thousands of people. Most people are going to boo that report and your post. They are going to leave nasty comments on your blog post and then get on with their lives assuming that the reporter was just having a bad day and ended up putting some really bad content out there. But really bad publicity is also publicity and that's going to get you on Reddit and even more popular publications.

And then you are going to have an innocent Vice President of a Toilet Paper Company with really weak bullshit busters, who truly believes in the authenticity of these publications along with the content they put out and doesn't understand that authorship doesn't always equal authority. This Vice President is going to glance through that article, run right past the comments and the booing (we often run past invisible gorillas and often make the lamest of mistakes) and is going to decide to invest in creating a social presence for his toilet paper company and hire more Chumps to help him do that.

The vicious circle is complete. Supply of horse poop now meets demand of horse poop and we have a freaking market! Repeat that a few thousand times and you have an economy. It's really that simple. And then suddenly you are left with all this horse poop and you don't know what to do with it.That by the way is exactly where we are right now. We have an entire economy of Second Handers Tweeting, Blogging and Producing Metadata that solves no problem and just creates noise.

Repeat the same cycle for long enough and you're going to create a colossal f@#king disaster. The kind where companies wind up and people lose their jobs. Even worse is the kind of disaster where every genuine idea and effort capable of having a long term impact is mutilated and taken over, twisted and relabeled by a bunch of chumps or second handers before it can have any impact.

VI. Call to Action

If you are in the business building communication tools that build on Facebook or Twitter, here is your opportunity at not being a chump. Try to inspire people, build genuine content on a variety of topics, build stuff (applications, tools) which reduce this noise, boo at bullshit when you see it and make sure your boo's are loud enough to be heard. After all you are in the Social Media business with a million followers. You can be loud!

Start out by helping people spot the signals within the noise, educate people; and please…. please stop producing random meta data, using words like REVOLUTION and for your own sake stop building stupid presentations like these ones. If you do, we are just going to have to call bullshit on you.

If you are a geek with bullshit busters that can pick up crap like this, buzzers that start sounding when you hear bullshit, noses that start twitching when you smell someone farting utter crap, or eyebrows that knit when you hear a lousy idea, going "Bleh! Whatever!" and moving on with your life, is no longer the right approach. Show your perspective to everyone else. Educate people. Help them develop better bullshit busters in their own heads.

Help them realize that there is no silver bullet out there that is going to change the world and trying to look for one that is going to just change their world in a very strange nasty way.

Put simply, use your Social Media skills to blow the Social Media out of people's mind. There is no Social Media. You have blogs, and applets and web applications and websites and people talking to each other and small talk and.... Chumps. Lots of them.

As long as you can see that clearly, we are good.

Now go to Twitter or Facebook and spend a couple of hours there and then when you are entertained, have built a community, have talked to friends, taken your customer's feedback, talked to  them or done whatever it is that you were trying to do there get back to doing some real work.

Try to go slow on the metadata production. Stop being a chump and please.... please build something meaningful. Something insightful. Something inspiring. Something that solves a real problem that you have. Something that helps people discover new information that transforms them or changes their lives. Something that helps people become more effective or makes them better human beings.

Oh and by the way, if you bump into some Social Media Dudes tell them I said Hi! Tell them to follow me on Twitter and we can send each other tweets. I am on twitter when I have nothing else to do. I think of it as a video game where I poke random strangers and they poke me back and I would love to poke a few chumps and be poked back if it gets me a higher follower count and more mussel power. Social Media is going to change the world! Let there be world Peace!